Three logicians walk into a bar.
The bartender says: “Would any of you guys like a drink?”
The first logician says: “I don’t know.”
The second logician says: “I don’t know.”
The third logician says: “No.”
Hat tip to Adam Merberg, who isn’t sure of the source.
I once got a group e-mail invitation to a party that asked, “Can everybody make it?”
So I replied all, “I don’t know.”
They didn’t get it.
A statistician is at the doctor’s office. The doctor says, “I’m afraid you have type I diabetes.” The statistician replies, “Well, that’s a relief. I thought I had diabetes.”
A friend of mine made up this joke. It actually helps me remember the difference between type I and type II errors, which I otherwise kept mixing up.
Countably many mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first says I’d liek a beer.
The second says I’d like half a beer.
The third says I’d liek a quarter of a beer.
The bartender says you’re all idiots and pours 2 beers
@GregS: But how do you remember that the doctor didn’t say you have type II diabetes?
It’s a nice joke anyway, but maybe it can be compressed:
A doctor walks up to a statistican and says “You don’t have type II diabetes.”
(That is the end of the joke.) I think the joke still works because of the non-sequitur of telling someone that out of the blue.
@KenB: You’re right. With the joke or without it, you have to remember something that’s arbitrary. I can’t say why it helps me remember, just that it does. And the inventor of the joke told me that it helps him remember, too. So either we’re both weird, or it really is a good mnemonic device.
I love non-sequitur punchlines, but that would make it an entirely different joke.
The late Sidney Morgenbesser was a great source of logic and phiilosophy jokes. Many are listed here
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sidney_Morgenbesser
I’m pretty sure I told a different version of this joke (in my version it was geeks not logicians, and they were at a restaurant being asked if anyone wants water) in your presence sometime in the past N years…
That’s funny, just three or four days ago I heard this:
Three logicians are sitting in a restaurant. The waitress asks “is everyone having coffee?”
The first logician says, “I don’t know.”
The second logician says, “I don’t know.”
The third logician says, “Yes.”
Colin: I think I like your version even better!
GregS: I love this, and will steal it.
I agree. Colin’s version is even better. My wife’s response to the first version of the joke was “So, if nobody wants a drink, why are they walking into the bar?” Colin’s version avoids that.
Yeah, in the version I usually tell, the waiter asks whether anyone at the table wants any water, and the last person says yes. I missed the “no” at the end of the version in this joke because I was already so used to the end-with-yes version and I had already mentally filed this as a variation of the same joke :)
Actually, this is a relevant issue in my family. If someone asks: “Does anybody want X?”. then none of us answer if we don’t want it, causing a silly silence for a while. Then someone says “no”.
Q : How many solipsists does it take to change a light bulb?
A : None. There are no solipsists. (breaking into song) Oh, there used to be a solipsist, but he solipsided away! Solipsiding away, solipsiding awaaay…
Type I = false alarm
Type II = overlook
Type III = overfit
— these are the best rhymes I came up with (a while ago).